Sunday, January 17, 2010

Popstar to OMG

I was filled with horror at the news that ITV was launching Popstar To Operastar, in which 8, er, "celebrities" would attempt to sing opera. But then I thought a bit about it, and thought, well, BBC's Maestro - in which 8, er, "celebrities" attempted to become conductors - wasn't so bad in the end. And ITV had Rolando Villazón, who is slightly more beloved than, say, Roger Norrington...
In the end I needn't have worried. Popstar To Operastar is a humungous pile of crap. OK, first off it's not helped by the presenters - Myleene Klass and Percy the Park-keeper. Poor Myleene - one of her first jokes was something about people "knowing their arias from their elbows". Not the worst line in the world, but the studio audience were so excited that I don't think any of them heard her speak, so nobody laughed, so Myleene laughed for them. Percy just gurned a bit, probably thinking about acorns or something. You can imagine the thrill for the audience though. I mean, just look at the list of celebrities: an Osmond, a Nolan, somebody called Vanessa, someone from McFly, your one out of Shakespeare's Sister, someone who either is or was in Coronation Street and was also in the exact same pop group as Myleene Klass, the legendary Darius Campbell, and Alex James off of Blur. Plus, Rowan Atkinson had put on a funny wig and eyebrows and was pretending to be a Mexican tenor called Rolando Something that nobody had ever heard of. And there was Katherine Jenkins! And Meat Loaf! And Lawrence Llewellyn-Fucking-Bowen!! So the audience was at fever pitch even before a single note was sung. It's totally understandable that they would cheer insanely as soon as the first warbly noises emerged from each popstar's throat. Actually that cheering was what stopped me from seeing much of the show. I had to turn it off after the second act because of Mrs Nereffid's repeated cries of "OH SHUT UP!!!"
So it was basically Britain's Got Talent. Or rather, Britain's Got Talent But It's Not Performing Here Tonight. Of the 8 contestants, only 1 was eliminated. This seemed both statisically and morally wrong. It was, inevitably, Alex James. Poor Alex! He failed miserably on Maestro too. But at least he seems to do these things out of genuine interest in the subject matter, rather than because his agent suggested it would be a good idea. He was dreadful, though. He had to sing "Largo al factotum", and my impression is that he decided to perform it in the style of Kenneth from 30 Rock. It (and presumably all the other ones) is on YouTube, if you dare.

Oh, to end this discussion of rubbish let's cleanse ourselves by remembering one of the consequences of Maestro - Goldie's Sine Tempore at the Proms:

No comments: